God bless it...

 

It is, of course, the Fourth of July and what would a Fourth of July be without a Fourth of July parade (other than a bit more enjoyable).  I become more and more baffled as to the point of such parades as I grow older. I haven't been patriotic since I was about 11 years old and believed all of the propaganda I was fed at school about how great our country is because it was founded upon freedom.  Growing up in Boise it was easy to believe that the founding fathers were great people who only cared about the American people and democracy.  Years of working with government agencies and politicians has taughter me that very little of that is true.  America was built by rich white people (predominately rich white men) looking at ways to get richer and prevent anyone else from doing so.

So attending parades with lots of flag waving, candy throwing, advertising and politicians running for office just doesn't do much for me.  I was surrounded by greedy little kids screaming for candy from bored teenagers roped into marching for schools, clubs, teams and churches. I was handed a small American flag by a geriatric veteran who probably spent three years in the army and 40 years hanging out at the veterans of foreign wars putting back beer and pretzils. 

I was pleasantly suprised by a new entry in my small city's parade this year. A hearse from a new funeral home trying to drum up business.

It was a sharp contrast to the fire trucks, garbage trucks and tow trucks vying for their market share from the red, white and blue crowd.  

All of this seemed par for course in a time when the Orange Menace rules in Washington D.C. and craps all over democracy.  On that note, I did have ChatGPT create a new image for me today. I posted it on social media suggesting this is what he would have worn if he had been invited to Taylor Swift's wedding.

I don't imagine I'll get any responses to it.  I also posted one Fourth of July t-shirt design for the fun of it, too.

It seemed appropriate since things in this country just don't smell right anymore.

Burning down the house

 

The Globe Theatre, famous for being the venue where Shakespeare performed his plays, burnt down during a performance of "Henry VIII" on this day in 1613.  Apparently they fired off cannons on stage and they ignited the blaze.  I can't confirm whether or not this was the inspiration for David Byrne's song, "Burning down the house."

I thought about turning this image into a t-shirt, but even I think it may be to obscure of a fact to sell a t-shirt. And I doubt it could compete with such gems as my designs for National Darts Day or National Waffle Iron Day:

Though initially when I asked for the chicken and waffle image, ChatGPT was still fixated on Young Frankenstein and produced this gem:

I just love the new image generator and it's lack of the ability to pivot from one design to another. Not that it matters. I'm still batting 0 for 0 with t-shirt sales despite my brilliant marketing efforts to sell the absurd designs.  Irony is, they are the types of designs I'd buy in an instant. 

And  I'm the only one who has.

Walk his way

 

It is Mel Brooks' 100th birthday today.  Mel Brooks is responsible for some of the most iconic comedy films made like "Blazing Saddles," "Young Frankenstein," and "Space Balls."   I'd say he is the father of dad jokes because his movies were full of puns and off color humor.   Who can forget Marty Feldman as Igor telling Gene Wilder as Dr. Frankenstein to "walk this way" and Gene Wilder imitates his hobbling walk.  It was an old vadeville joke. And apparently it spired Aerosmith's song title Walk this Way. 

I can't even imagine being 100 years old. I have difficulty enough imagining being the age I am.  But I salute Mel Brooks for lasting this long.  I imagine his work will survive long after he has "walked this way" into the light. 

Thanks for the laughs Mel!

Birth of an Alien

 

I posted this t-shirt design on Blue Sky and it was flagged as adult content for nudity. It is based on Botecelli's Birth of Venus for Christ sakes. And the alien is very modest. I do think you can see a nipple on the woman to the left, but give me a break. I've appealed, but I'm betting they'll be as responsive as Teepublic was when I appealed them cancelling me account without reason.

So much for Blue Sky being the answer to those of us looking for a voice of reason on Social Media. I'm not sure it has a huge following. I post tons of content and get very little interaction. I post on Instagram and Facebook and don't get that much either.  As I've whined about many times, I haven't made a single sale from my Printify t-shirt store. 

Now that's obscene.

Shameless

 

I have officially become the Vern Fonk of t-shirt vendors. I got the idea to go all low-brow with my advertising yesterday when I drove by a local brewery that had one of those inflatable tube men. I discovered they are officially called Air Dancers.  So I turned to my best friend and worst enemy ChatGPT to help me create my own.  

Turns out ChatGPT doesn't do video or animation, but it gave me a storyboard for my very own Dizgraceland Dizigns Air Dancer.

Then it pointed me to a video AI site called Vidu (an AI version of "I've got a guy".) They provided five free tries at creating my Air Dancer video.  Then ChatGPT walked me through adding text and I got my first primative commercial.

I posted that last night along with one attempt at animating one of my new t-shirt designs celebrating National Vanilla Milkshake Day. 

I'm just a one-stop guerilla advertising machine (or in my case, gorilla advertising).  My problem is that I'm quite proficient at cranking out content, I just having figured out how to get it to bring in people to my t-shirt of collectibles shop. I realize part of the problem is that I only post on Blue Sky, Instagram and sort of Facebook. Apparently TikTok is where you generate true sales. It just seems so complicated to post on TikTok because you have to use your phone and I'm an old school desktop guy.

I'm on a mission though.  My next idea is to animate an Alien sign spinner. 

Maybe I'll have it dressed like a mattress.

People are strange

 

I got on a Dr. Stranglove kick yesterday and asked ChatGPT to create an image of me as a Dr. Strangelove character.  So first it kicks out an image of me as the George C. Scott character of a general in the War Room during the 60s Cold War. 

I told it that was good but I was thinking more of the Peter Seller's role of Dr. Strangelove and I even loaded a photo.

Then it gave me this:

I felt that this one simply looked like it had slapped a beard on Peter Sellers so I told it to give me an image with my face. Then it gave me this:

I found the image of me without a beard worse than simply slapping a beard on Peter Sellers so I aske for my face with a bear, Dr. Strangelove's sunglasses, hair and cigarette. So it gave me the first image I posted above.

Finally I asked for an image of me as the Slim Pickens character riding a nuclear bomb down to earth and it pretty much got it first thing:

I realize that none of these images mean anything to people unless they have seen the movie Dr. Strangelove or How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb.  But I don't particularly want to associate with anyone who hasn't seen it and appreciate it as an iconic film. 

I decided to turn a couple of the images into ads for my t-shirt shop and perhaps break the dry spell I've had in selling t-shirts. Actually it is more than a dry spell but I'm not sure what you call it when you haven't sold a single freaking t-shirt in what now seems more than a year.  Here was my first ad:

I posted it yesterday and...crickets. 

I did create this second ad that I'm going to post in a few days. I am still afraid people won't get the Dr. Strangelove reference, but still...it kind of grabs your attention:

If nothing else, I've learned that I never want to wear my hair like this.

Mine eyes have seen the glory

 

Today would have been Newt Gingrich's 83rd birthday.  I first posted my "Eye of Newt" concept back in January of 2024 when he was still alive. He has since passed on to whereever nasty conservative Republicans pass on to. So to a certain extent me creating an Eye of Newt t-shirt and promoting it on Blue Sky is in poor taste. But it is not like anyone is actually going to buy the shirt or that anyone knows or cares who Newt Gingrich was. 

As for poor taste, that's what comedy is all about. Saturday Night Live has been around for 50 years or so capitalizing on poor taste. So I am in good company. 

Yesterday I posted on Blue Sky about it being the anniversary of the death of George Reeves, the actor who played Superman on television back in the 1950s. He reportedly took his own life by shooting himself in the head. My post made a point of saying that apparently he wasn't really faster than a speeding bullet. I also posted a link to one of my hero sandwich t-shirts.

Again, another example of questionable taste. But you have got to admit that the bullet joke was funny (and a bit morbid). I'm just trying to get attention in an ocean of endless social media posts.  

A couple of days ago was National Megalodon Day and I posted this:

I didn't think it was so much in poor taste as a spot on depiction of the Orange Menace. But all I got in response was crickets. Apparently there isn't much about Trump that you post anymore that gets a reaction. The irony was that ChatGPT had no problem creating the image, but when I asked for it to add the Maga-low-don headline it started declaring it would violate it's policies.  AI hypocracy is becoming tiresome. 

I imagine the people who do see my posts on social media think I am desperated for cash because I hawk three or four t-shirts a day and occasionally try to push people to my ebay store.  I will go on record that I don't try to sell t-shirts because I think it will make me rich. I try to sell t-shirts because I've become to think of them as my primary creative outlet. I'm a Dad Joke Bad Pun machine and I want to be acknowleged for it. Writing this blog for more than twenty years hasn't got me the attention I think I deserve. So I've resort to producing hundreds of funny (and not so funny) t-shirts to get my Horton-Hears-A-Who-like attention in the universe. 

I will prevail.

Or not. But I'll leave behind hundreds of bad t-shirt designs to baffle generations to come.

A little light please

 

At first I created this design for National Random Acts of Light Day. Then I realized that National Random Acts of Light Day is trying to cheer up people with cancer and I quickly deleted the post on BlueSky and Instagram.  I could only image the response I would have got by encouraging people with cancer to walk into the light. 

This illustrates the challenges of humor and not paying attention to details. I'm trying to be witty, not callouse. 

That being said, I've been experimenting on Blue Sky with not blatantly showing t-shirts for sale and trying just to get people's attention with a quick joke.  For example, today is Boy George's 65th birthday (can you believe it). Ironic that he shares a birthday with the Orange Menace in the White House. But I suggested that perhaps Boy George should change his name to Ol' Man George and that would be fitting karma.  Then I posted my design for Carmen Chameleon.

Of course, the joke only works if you are familiar with Boy George's song "Karma Chameleon" from the 1980s.  And you also need to have some idea who Carmen Miranda was. 

I should have just posted this image on Blue Sky instead.

But I suppose it would have been bad karma. Or Bad Carmen.

It doesn't Ad up

 

This is what I fantasize about looking like and being thought of. In reality my hair never looks like that, my beard is more like John Brown, the militant abolitionist. 



At times I'm afraid I look more like this when I pander for advertising awards.

Though my hair also never looks curly and that isn't my shade of lip stick.  But to be fair, I did recently win an local Emmy. I just never got to go to the awards show and pick it up.  It was delivered to me yesterday in a box.  Not that I would have gone to the show in an evening gown and jewels. I'm not that senile yet.

I have worked in marketing and advertising a long, long time. So you would think selling my own freaking t-shirt designs would be a slam dunk. But since I was ousted from Teepublic and Red Bubble and moved to a Printify pop up store, I haven't sold squat despite some pretty aggressive  social media marketing.  I've posted ads and videos with more hash tags than a bad 1950s truck stop.  I have hung my hat on the National Day Day posts religiously to the point I believe they are going to get a restraining order. 

I've started desperately trying to use stuff from the "onthisdayinhistory" people.  Today was the anniversary of the burning and sacking of Troy in ancient Greece. So I posted this:

You would think I'd at least get a few likes or reposts out of it but nothing. 

I just think the world isn't ready for my genius.

No sugar, just spice, and not very much that is nice

 

It is National Herbs and Spices Day, but I didn't really have a t-shirt design to go with it. It did make me think of the book (and movies) Dune and the spice planet Arakis. I read most of the Dune series and saw both the David Lynch movie and the latest versions.  The more recent movie version was probably truer to the book since David Lynch can't help but be well...David Lynch.  I always got a kick out of the way Paul Atreeides was given the Fremen name Muad'Dib in the movie with the Fremen leader dramatic stating, "We will call you Muad'Dib." I thought he was saying Moabdib and for years that was my go to password until it was compromised on the Dark Web. 

But I digress. National Herbs and Spices Day also reminds me (as if I could forget it) that I've stopped eating carbs and sugar and anything that tastes half way decent.  

Growing old sucks.

Home on the range

 

It is National Prairie Day and at first I didn't have anything in my t-shirt bag of tricks.  But that has never stopped me. I was pleased the way this design turned out. Though I imagine referring to a stove as a range is probably dated.  It works for me though. It makes a sweet t-shirt and an apron.

It is also National Drive-n Movie Day (another things generations of people know nothing about). And believe it or not I had a drive-in themed design ready to go.  

I realize these realistic designs don't seem to go over well.  It just isn't a concept that works well as a more cartoony, t-shirt design. It makes a great tote bag, too.

It was National Eyewear Day, as well. I didn't really have anything for eyeglasses, but I did dig out an old sunglasses design.

I could have dug out a related design.

I still may. But it seems to be a bit too close to the current world political climate.  Again, both of these designs are based on 1980s songs that most people probably won't recognize. But then again, if they did, I might get flack from the Intellectual Property Police.  Other than actually selling t-shirts, I sure don't miss Teepublic.

Starting over, and over and over...

 

It is National Start Over Day. I can kind of relate because each day I load several t-shirt designs on Blue Sky. And each day nothing happens. And the next day I do the same thing. It is very much like National Repeat Day. 

It is all very Sisyphian like mowing the lawn, making your bed and going to work.  

Oh well, it is something to do.