Tut, tut...unearthing some interest

 

I have always had an interest in ancient Egypt. Well, always technically began when I was going into 7th grade and discovered a paperback book about Howard Carter discovering King Tut's tomb in the early 1920s.  For awhile I was convinced I was going to be an Egyptologist.  As with most things, my 13 year old self romanticized what being an archeologist would be like. Unlike Howard Carter who capitalized on the British system of finding a rich sponsor and then paying local people to do all of the grunt work of digging and moving dirt and sand, I understand most archeologists spend a lot of time researching and sifting through dirt and cataloging.

Before discovering King Tut, I spent years uncovering the past in my grandmother's drawers and closets. She lived next door to us growing up and she never minded my fascination and grubbing through things and asking questions. I loved old photo albums and boxes of papers.  It was all treasure to me.  

I've related before that my father was obsessed with finding lost treasures of the old west. He would take me along on trips to old ghost towns where he would run his metal detector over old outhouses and cabin walls.  We never found anything much but horseshoes and railroad spikes.  

My father would also take me to flea markets and I loved walking by table after table of country antiques: oil lamps, tools, dishes and other junk people had dug out of old barns or rescued from estate sales.  I loved the unique and unusual.  My bedroom as a kid was filled with various curiosities like bird's nests, wasp nests, rocks, marbles and old toys.

Ironically, my mother was a minimalist having grown up in the depression with 11 brothers and sisters and very little possessions. My father had grown up in the same house my grandmother lived and was an only child. He liked his stuff.  So it was one of those points of tension between my parents that she eventually just tolerated.

I kept my habit of going to flea markets, thrift stores, antique malls and auctions as I became and adult.  When I lived alone, it was entertainment and I'll admit I accumulated a great deal of stuff just for the sake of having it. When I got married much of the stuff went back home to the same thrift stores I sourced them from but some of my treasures that I could give up ended up in plastic bins that moved with me to two new homes and habitatted the garage for years. 

When the pandemic hit I decided to go through the treasures and that's when I truly began an eBay seller.  AI hadn't been created yet so the research and drafting listing and setting prices was all up to me. And slowly I emptied the bins. Things that didn't sell eventually made it back to Goodwill. 

As the pandemic winded slowly down my interest in thrifting picked up again.  I gained a home office and was excited about stocking it with treasures.  But when it looked like I was going to cross over the line into "too much stuff" territory, I started selling again and realized it was the best of both worlds. I could go to thrift stores and antique malls (which I love) and acquire as long as I kept a steady flow heading out the door via eBay. Dizgraceland Collectibles took form.

I have to admit it is more fulfilling than the career I'm in (marketing) that is finally winding down. But I'm able to use my marketing savvy and apply it to retail. And of course I have my AI friends who are like the Egyptian locals who helped Carter move dirt and sand. They do the heavy work and I have the fun of finding and figuring out what the things are, where they came from and where they should go.

I'll admit it is still difficult at times part with really cool things at times. I still have my collections and interests. So far the lack of space caps those collections and  I have been able to stop acquiring things I don't have room for.  Also, as I age, my forays through thrift stores have taught me that many of those stores are the great mother ship that all things come from and return to eventually.  And the reality is that same will be true for my precious treasure. 

And a one, and ado...

 

It is National Talk Like Shakespeare Day. And before you doth protest too much,  let me say that it really isn't that different than Talk Like a Pirate Day.  There are just a few less "Arrrrs" and "Swabs" and "Avast yee's."

I actually like Shakespeare.  I particularly like Hamlet. To a lesser extent I sort of like Romeo and Juliet and Midsummer's Night Dream. Most of my exposure has been through having to read the plays in high school, college and then again when my children had to read those plays in high school. Funny how I have to relive things you have to read in high school. I can't tell you how many times I've had to read The Things They Carried.  Though in all fairness I didn't read it in high school since I was in high school during the time of the Vietnam war which is where the book was set.

But I digress. Back to Shakespeare. Here is one of the first riffs on Shakespeare I made years ago. I thought it would be a pretty funny name for a Dry Cleaners.

Then there was another riff on Hamlet with this one:

Oh well.  I'm no Shakespeare.

D. B. Cooperstown

 

See the image of me that I thought looked like D.B. Cooper made me think if creating this design of D.B. Cooperstown (which I assume could be an alias of D.B. Cooper while he played minor league baseball). Not that there is any evidence that D.B. Cooper ever played minor league baseball.  It is just a whimsy of mine that ChatGPT helps me indulge.  Chat seems to think this idea is a true winner and I will finally sell a t-shirt.  I lack it's enthusiasm. I have a whole Printify storefront chock full of clever t-shirts that no one seems to think are clever enough to actually order one.

Who knows? Maybe D.B. Cooper will see this design and order a baseball. But considering he skyjacked a Norwest Orient flight in 1971 (55 years ago), he would likely be in his 80s now. So he probably wouldn't be afraid anyone would see the resemblance in the FBI sketch anyway, even with a baseball shirt and cap.

I thought this D.B. Cooper design would have been a hot seller, too.  No. Not even when I when all Andy Warhol with the design.

I can only assume that not too many people recognize good 'ol D.B. anymore.  So yet another t-shirt design strikes out.

Fog

 

I feel like the Dos Equis most interesting man in the world when I say, I don't always get sick, but when I do, I really do. And I feel like I am in a very dense fog. This image is an updated version of a post I made years ago, ripping off a movie poster for John Carpenter's Fog. I created it myself using Photoshop.

I just asked ChatGPT to update it. I like the way it merges my current white beard into the fog. Though I don't think it is that much better than the version I created with Photoshop. But I wasn't sick when I created the original. At least I don't think I was. It's all kind of a fog.

Having grown up a Christian Scientist as a kid, being sick was never an experience filled with comfort and sympathy from my mother.  Being sick meant more shame than anything else. When other kids got thermometers, aspirin, and cool wash clothes, I got disappointed looks and passages from the bible and Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy.  So I never faked being sick to get out of school like other kids.

Now I hate staying home as well as long as I can stand up.  Fortunately I don't get sick often.  But I get the same disappointed (and often dirty looks) if I show up at the office coughing. Since Covid, people prefer silent suffering.

This is another random image I created years ago for St. Patrick's Day (obviously ripping off Silence of the Lambs). Here's ChatGPT's version.

I like to think of it as an ode to the moment when I discovered through DNA tests that I wasn't Irish. It also looks a bit like a police sketch of DB Cooper. 

Or an agent from Men in Black.  My mind does wander. I blame it on the fog.

Running up some bloody hill

 

It is National Exercise Day and I do like a good day of exercise. Actually my main forms of exercise are exercises in futility. Unfortunately, those exercises don't help you to lose weight or increase cardio health. They don't even help you lose wait.

I have exercised off and on most of my life. I was never an athletic person. I was a straight A student until until 7th grade PE and got a C because I never could climb a rope or do a hundred sit-ups. And I learned in 7th grade to hate running with a passion. 

I have gone through many phases in my life of being overweight and losing weight. It truly does seem to be a Sisyphean type activity. Now that I am in my late 60s I have started to question the point of worrying about my weight. I have a doctor's appointment in May and if she says I should lose weight I am tempted to ask her if losing weight would keep me from ultimately dying anyway. But I imagine she would just shake her head and write something in my chart. Or she could say no, but it could help me live longer. But if living longer means I have to cut out all of the things I enjoy, I'm not sure what the point is.

Regardless, I posted three new t-shirt designs that ChatGPT assures me will be a hit with people who do exercise. But something tells me it is merely another exercise in futility. 

I'm getting pretty good at that exercise.

Look Ma, I'm flying!

 

I just returned from a quick trip to Portland where I was shooting a new ad campaign as part of my day job. I've shot in Portland before, but normally I drive there with some of my ad team. This time we took a small airline flight and avoided the three-hour drive. It flew out of a small airport so we also avoided all of the hours of time required to take a regular commercial flight.

I have to say it was a nice change of pace from the stress of going through TSA and the crowds of commercial flights. And you don't have to deal with nightmare or boarding and unboarding on a crowded jumbo jet. 

It was rapture...well as close to heaven as I'll ever get.

Whipping up some support

 

It is National Licorice Day and while I normally don't like to insert myself into my t-shirt designs, this one seemed like a natural. I had to dance around ChatGPT's guardrails regarding violence but I just asked it up front how to request an image of a medieval torturer with a cat-o-nine tails whip made with red licorice whips and an over eager victim asking for more.  I think I make a very fetching medieval torturer if I do say so myself. 

It was National Fondue Day yesterday and today was National Grilled Cheese Day so I created this design.

I don't know if the little cheese wedge is sad because it hasn't been sliced, melted or grilled or sad because it stands alone. It was always confusing to me why the cheese had to stand alone after the farmer chose a wife, the wife chose a child and the child chose a nurse.  It also reminded me all too many times of when we would choose teams for a pick up game of softball or kickball and I was left standing there radiating my lack of athletic ability for all to see.

I guess it is okay sometimes not to be chosen though. If someone (especially a girl)was choosing someone to help with their homework assignment I was right up there. Unfortunately those same girls were choosing the guys picked first for softball or kickball as their first choice to have a crush on.

I'm not bitter, mind you. You don't have to be popular or attractive to be chosen. Look at Trump and Elon Musk.  But then again they are more akin to the Stinky Cheese Man.

Being positive about negativity

 

I reached a new pinnacle of posting t-shirt designs based on all of today's National Day days. There were five national days being celebrated today: National Erase Self-Negativity Day, National Farm Animals Day, National Cinnamon Crescent Day, National Siblings Day, and National Encourage a Young Writer Day. I think the National Day people should create a National Dizgraceland Dizigns Exploiting National Days Day. I do believe I am on the forefront of this trend. Though I doubt it is a trend if I'm the only one doing it.  

National Farm Animals was pretty easy because I have tons of designs featuring chickens, pigs and cows. 

I was able to pivot fairly successfully from there to National Encourage a Young Writer Day with this gem:

Now technically I'm not so much encouraging young writers as encouraging them to get their shit together and only write if they can do it correctly, but I feel pretty strongly that writing is a craft and we don't need any more crappy writers spewing crap into the ethos.

I went from discouraging young crappy writers to the challenging National Cinnamon Crescent Day.  Now normally I don't mess with National Days dedicated to obscure food variations, but I was on a roll (so to speak). So I slapped up this design. And ironically it immediately got a like from someone who gives out virtual badges for content that isn't created by AI. Both ChatGPT and I are still chuckling about that one.

I think it is more than a National Cinnamon Crescent Day frankly deserves.  Because let's face it, a cinnamon crescent roll is crafted from a tube of crescent roll dough which is the American nasty attempt at mass producing croissants. 

With the National Cinnamon Crescent Day crossed off I was on a mission so I went for National Siblings Day.  The only thing I had in my t-shirt hopper were a couple of Brothers Grimm designs so I went with:

Honestly, siblings aren't my favorite topic since I have a couple of Trump-minded brothers.  Talk about grim. But with four National Day days down I was in the home stretch with my biggest stretch, National Erase Self-Negativity Day.  And those of you who read my blog regularly (see, I'm trying to be positive) know I'm not a big fan of fake optimism or self-help scams. So I went with some trademark Dizgraceland sarcasm.

Okay, that's pretty much a Pentafecta for capitalizing on five random National Day days. That has got to be a new record and something worth major recognition in the annals of National Day days exploitation.

Oh well. Enough horse play for now. 

Off my rocker

 

There are a whole lotta national day days going on today.  I couldn't resist glomming on to National Cherish an Antique Day with an "Off Their Rocker" t-shirt.  It is also National Chicken Little Awareness Day.

I couldn't pass up National Unicorn Day or National Name Yourself Day.

I was tempted to poke a finger at National Alcohol Screen Day with a Baudelaire t-shirt.

I resisted because Alcohol Screening people can get pretty pissy about making jokes about alcohol.  They wouldn't appreciate my "Adult Juice Box" design either.

Regardless, I hit on four of the National Day days. I tried to think of something for national Winston Churchill Day, but I ran out of steam. Also, like all myths surrounding great historical figures, I'm heard Churchill was pretty much an asshole.  Though I do like this story associated with Churchill. Apparently he was at an event and a woman said, "Winston, you are drunk" and he replied, "Yes madame and you are ugly and tomorrow I'll be sober and you'll still be ugly."

Not quite t-shirt material, but it has potential.

Dancing the dance (and I'm no Wu Li Master)

 

Don't Teach Dance, Dance

It is National All is Ours Day.  It is one of those ambiguous suggested days where it doesn't really tell you what it is for. It generically implies you should take this day to appreciate what is around you. This is, of course, after you ignore the Trump-it of doom and see what really matters. Which on one level isn't really about what is physically around you. 

I used it as an opportunity to try and hawk a t-shirt design.

This is pretty much like I dance. I've tried learning how to dance. Years ago I took a Swing Dance class (mainly to try and meet women).  Then a few years ago I took waltz lessons so I could dance with my daughter at her quinceañera. I had limited success both times.  Part of it was because I grew up in a time when dancing was just moving around to rock music on a crowded dance floor.  It took some of the angst away when I was in junior high and asked girls to dance at sock hops in the gym.  I got by until Disco came along in the 70s and fucked everything up for awhile.  John Travolta ruined many people's lives.

But I digress.

I threw in the Wu Li Master reference in the title of this post because years ago I read a book by Gary Zukav called The Dancing Wu Li Masters: An Overview of the New Physics. Zukav had learned at a conference that the Chinese term for physics, Wu Li, can be poetically interpreted as "patterns of organic energy." But since Chinese seldom just means one thing, Wu Li can also mean "nonsense," "my way," and "enlightenment."  I kind of like that. 

Zukav postured that a Wu Li Master is someone who understands the essence of physics, not through rote learning, but by participation, intuition and experience.  So the Wu Li Master dances with his students instead of teaching them to dance. And they learn to dance. Or most of them do. Some people just can't dance.

Jeff Green

I didn't just randomly choose to read The Dancing Wu Li Masters. It was recommended to me along with Fritjof Capra's Tao of Physics by an Astrologer/Psychic I went to in my late 20s. His name was Jeff Green. He was recommended to me by the woman I was dating at the time who went to him regularly (she was into astrology, crystals, ley lines, and other metaphysical forms of self help and I in turn became interested in those things). He worked out of an astrology store in Seattle at the time called Astrology Et Al. He was a no nonsense (ironically) hippy looking dude who spoke with what sounded like a Norwegian or Indian Guru accent despite being born in Hollywood, California.  I found out later he wrote a best-selling book (best selling for Astrology books) called Pluto: The Evolutionary Journey of the Soul (so I imagine he was totally bummed when Pluto got downgraded from planetary status).  

He did an Astrological reading for me that he recorded on a cassette tape. Not too much of it made sense to me. I told him I was a PR writer at the time. He told me that I was a social documentarian and should be working in film or video because, "there is more to life than bank account and hamburger."  That phrase stuck with me because he stated it in his quasi Norwegian/Guru accent in a very patronizing manner. He also told me I should read The Tao of Physics and The Dancing Wu Li Masters because they would resonate for me though I probably wouldn't understand them. Jeff Green was a bit of a dick as well as a psychic. 

Regardless, I read both books and gained a fascination with Quantum Physics that remains with me today even though I couldn't tell you what any of if means.

I'm too busy dancing to the beat of a different drummer that no one else hears...mainly because they aren't listening.

The long, dark coffee cake of my soul

 

It is National Coffee Cake Day, a day when we should all stop and reflect on the important things like coffee cake. It is also National Beer Day. But I don't really like beer.  Not that I really like coffee cake. Technically I do have a design that incorporates beer. 

A sandboy was a young man who used to deliver sand for the floors covering pubs and inns. They were happy because more often than not they were paid in beer or ale. This design was from my "happy as a..." series that began with trying to explain why clams were happy (though I still don't think they are particularly happy creatures).

The Australians had a saying "I would be happy as Larry, if it weren't for the rats."

I could never find a good explanation for that one other than it had something to do with an Australian boxer named boxer. I have learned not to try and understand Australians in general. They seem a jovial lot, however. Happy, apparently as Larry despite his issue with rats. 

I imagine the rats would be happy with coffee cake.

Don't dwell on the pasta

 

"Passion of the Pasta"

 It is National Carbonara Day.  At first I was going to just try to find one of my old "noodle" posts and repost it. But I decided to spice it up a bit and kill two bowls of pasta with one fork.

It's also National Tartan Day, but I didn't have the energy to create some design with a kilt in it. But I did indulge myself a bit and have ChatGPT turn me into a Scottish warrior.

I don't normally wear plaid but this looks pretty good on me, don't you think?