Un-Fortunate events

 

By November of 2006 I resorted to putting my image on mechanical fortunate tellers like Zoltar from the Tom Hanks movie Big. It was about how we lose the belief in magic that we had when we were children. Being a Pisces, I have always looked to magic (if not believed in it).  I'm not sure my practical, analytical side can rationally believe in it. There is just so much unmagical shit happening all the time.

If I did believe in magic now, perhaps this is what I'd look like.

I am not sure I'd want to see the fortune this me would predict. Perhaps I'd declare "Oh, the huge manatee" like I also did in November 2006.

The post with this one was simply my rewrite of a Billy Joel's song, "Honesty," with pithy lyrics like:

Huge manatees are such a lonely mammal.
Everyone thinks they aren't real blue.
Huge manatees hardly ever wear flannel.
And it's mostly what they need from you.

My 2026 self doesn't know what my 2006 self was thinking with that one. 

 I sometimes wonder if there is hope for manatees. 

Alienation, too

 

 
In November 2006, I explored my inner alien in a post called Alienation. Besides being an opportunity to crudely put my face on the alien from the movie Alien, it was a pretty good exploration of how I felt about the inner conflict about fitting in versus standing out. My younger self captured it pretty well, so pat on the back to you (me).  It is a topic I've always struggled with. I want to be me, but I also want to be liked and those two don't always equate. 

But back to the opportunity to put my face on the alien from Alien, ChatGPT did a much better job at bringing out the beastly alien within me.

I joked with it that that was a face only a mother would love because it is downright scary looking. I couldn't leave it at that, though. I asked for sharper teeth and Chat obliged.

Now this is a character that probably would have difficulty making friends, but you'd always get your own seat on the train. It is how I feel at times, especially as I age.

But back to October 2006 briefly, I did a post called Daily Exorcise and made a Linda Blair version of me. 

It was kind of in the same vein as this t-shirt design I did a couple of years ago.

After a few false starts battling with ChatGPT's guard rails (who are real party poopers BTW) I was able to recreate a possessed version of my current self.

It does greatly represent those days when people avoid me because "Tim looks like he is having a bad day." 

It's a pity about the carpet, too. 

Dough, dough...

 

After turning myself into a gnome back in October of 2006 I moved on to popular advertising icons like the Pillsbury Doughboy in a post called Half-baked fears. I said (and I love quoting myself from 20 years ago):

Our television is full of demonic icons conjured up by ad executives to prey upon our fears in order to sell products. Pop N' Fresh, the Pillsbury Dough Boy for instance. What is he other than a terrorist with a chef's hat. There he is with his pasty face, blackhole eyes and bloated body, leering at you while you try and open an explosive pipe bomb of biscuit dough. What's not to be afraid of?

That was pretty good if I do say so myself (even though we live in a time of real fears of worse things than talking bags of dough...wait a minute that is one of things we have to fear now). But here is my 2026 self as the dough man.

This dough creature is a bit less jovial than he was 20 years ago. I almost wish I'd asked ChatGPT to make this dough man out of dried out dough, but it would be a bit too close to home. 

I also talked about the Jolly Green Giant as a remnant of the Jack and the Beanstalk giant who ate people from our childhood stories. But I didn't create an image of me as the Jolly Green Giant...until now...Ho, Ho, Ho.

In the first version of me as Green Giant, ChatGPT gave me a green body and regular color face.  I still find AI extremely literal so you need to learn how to talk to them.  I resisted asking it to make me a more muscular Green Giant. But at least it didn't go with a dough boy body.

And while I am at it I decided to throw Mr. Clean into the mix.

I appreciate the muscles in this one. Cleaning all of those toilets builds the bicepts. And although I have a full head of hair, this shows I could pull off the bald look pretty well. Though the thing that always baffled me about Mr. Clean was why a genie would waste it's powers helping you clean your bathroom. If I had three wishes, making my toilet spotless wouldn't be one of them.

I also never went down the creepy Burger King King route until now.

There are so many other advertising icons to go, but that's a whole other post. 

There's no place like gnome

 

In October 2006 I turned myself into a garden gnome for a post called "Stealing Gnome" in which I encouraged people to steal my gnome and put it in their blogs. I had people reading my blog back then who actually actively engaged with me. It had the feeling of a real community that I could interact with without any real human contact. The introvert in me loved it. I was able to garner positive feedback for what I thought were my creative talents and shut out anyone who didn't like it. It was pretty much a win, win situation. Until all the people reading my blog got bored and drifted away.

But enough of blatant self pity. Here's a 2026 version of me as a garden gnome.

If you are a purist and don't like the painted version here's more more stony version of me as a garden gnome.

What these 2026 garden gnome versions of me is how everything but your nose and ears shrink as you get old.  But it occurred to me while I was creating this post, that, although I did touch on pink yard flamingos, I never put my face on one. That is, until now.

Oh, if I could only fabricate a flock of these for my front yard and really freak out the neighbors.  

Sometimes things Pan out

 

Back in September 2006, I wrote a post called Being Dr. Lao.  It was about the movie, The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao starring Tony Randall and Barbara Eden (of I Dream of Jeanie). I wrote:

In the movie, the seven faces of Dr. Lao are: Dr. Lao, Pan, Apollonius of Tyana (a Greek philosopher and teacher), Merlin, Medusa, the Abominal Snowman, and a goldfish that turns into a sea serpent. The make-up artist for the film won a honorary Academy Award for his work on the film. Tony Randall was pretty impressive playing the characters as well.

I was playing with Photoshop as a tool or brush to manipulate various images at the time, so the image I created at the time technically wasn't my face on an image of Pan, but more the essence of Pan.  I asked ChatGPT to make an image of me as Pan.

I think I make a pretty good Pan if I do say so myself. I especially like the Pan Flute pendant. Not bad for an old goat. 

In the 2006 post I also created an image of me as Medusa.

Here is my 2026 version.

I love my stony stare. In 2006 I also turned myself into Apollonius, a fortune teller.

And speaking of stony stare, here is another Greek statue ChatGPT turned me into recently.

And finally, although I didn't create an image of me as Merlin back in 2006, here's an image of me as a wizard in 2026.

Now that is magic.

Keep clam and carry on

 

In August 2006 I wrote a post about whether or not clams were really happy. I created this image of me as a geoduck to further showcase my creative Photoshop skills. In retrospect it is more disturbing than the Girl with the pearl earring image. I knew ChatGPT could do better.

It does have the look of a Star Wars creature. Creepy none the less. Though not having the horse penis looking appendage coming directly out of my mouth is less creepy than my version. I decided to have ChatGPT turn me into a happy clam, too.

I'm not sure how ChatGPT pictured me smiling. I don't think any of the photos I've uploaded to it have me smiling. So far 2026 hasn't been very funny.  The shit storm passing through our country makes me want to clam up. Oh, for the good old days.

Come to think of it, the good old days weren't that great either. We had Nixon, Reagan and the Bush presidencies. Though they were all better than what is going on now. So I will remain clam.

But we must remain strong. 

Eventually all will be right with the world again.

Remember I can share pearls with you, but you have to create the necklace.

More Pearls

 

In July 2006 I posted this image of me in a post called Sometimes I even freak myself out. And I imagine this image would have freaked out Johannes Vermeer, too.  The post just had the photo and some lyrics from Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror for some reason. Who knows what I was thinking

Since I'm retracing my Dizgraceland roots and redoing history, I asked ChatGPT to create an image of me in the style of Vermeer's painting Girl with the Pearl Earring. I half expected it to tell me it wasn't allowed to, but it came through.

It is a bit more tasteful than the one I did in 2006, but I have matured a great deal and I don't tend to pose for photos as if I am Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade too much anymore. In fact, I don't pose for photos at all anymore (except for self portraits to produce this crap).

Victoria's real secret

 

Back in June 2006 I started flexing my Photoshop muscles (and lifting my skirts) with a post called Victoria's Secret. There wasn't much text because I was convinced people would just be impressed with my newly honed photo altering skills and the humor of me as Queen Victoria. I was also pretty sure I could get traffic from teenaged boys searching for photos of underwear models. It never occured to me then (or now for that matter) why I wanted to increase my blog traffic with hits from teen pervs looking for porn. I don't think it worked then and I don't think it will work now.

But I was curious how ChatGPT would respond to me request for an image of me as a Victorian era monarch with a crown (because if I just asked for an image of me as Queen Victoria, it's internal censors would have likely kicked in and said it couldn't create images altering real celebrities).  Here was it's first response.

Now granted, this is a pretty bitchin' cool image of me as a monarch, but I'm trying to recreate my earlier crude Photoshop experiments to demonstrate how far we have come (and how little progress I've made in how I spend my spare time).  So I thanked ChatGPT because I treat AI apps with the same dignity and respect I show any service people (with hopes that I'll get good service and they won't spit in my food). Then I asked for an image of me as Victorian Monarch Queen.

Now that is more like it. I do think the pearls were a tasteful touch but I would kind of like the crown to be a bit more dainty, but at the same time that would probably make my head look even bigger than it already is.  But in the original 2006 post I also created an image of me as Annie Oakley from the Wild West Show era.

So I went back to ChatGPT (who fortunately doesn't seem to get overly judgey about my requests) and asked for an image of me as an Annie Oakley-esque character complete with cowgirl hat and boots. It responded immediately:

I thought ChatGPT did an admirable job of capturing the spirit of my experiment, but I do think it made my calves look a bit too thick.  And the way the skirt drapes makes my butt look a little too big. Because in real life I don't have a big butt. I don't have much of a butt at all. But all and all, it is a very tasteful depiction of a Wild West Show character who knows how to sport a cartridge belt. I do think the lace sleeves are too much. Maybe more fringe. I didn't want to push my luck with ChatGPT.

Now all of this greatly amuses me, but similar to 2006, I don't have a widely recognizable face. In fact, I went in for a haircut a couple of days ago and the person who cuts my hair (and has for about a year now) walked right by me as she was coming to work and didn't acknowledge or recognize me. I imagine if I had been dressed like Queen Victoria or Annie Oakley people might pay more attention to me.

If only people knew how funny I was, they'd remember me. 

Or not. 

Am I blue?

 

This was an early Photoshop effort of mine back in May 2005 in a post called Blue Guitar. Young, pudgy face. No beard. Brown (blue) hair.  Gainsborough probably would have shuddered.

Now let's move forward in time.

Gainsborough would have probably nodded in approval for this version and acknowledged this was a portrait of an aged (not elderly despite ChatGPT's programming) gentleman.  Though if I did indeed wear this outfit in some parts of the country, I would not come out unscathed. 

This earlier version ChatGPT created makes my head look huge so I like the full length version the best. 

I think I'll stick to t-shirts and blue jeans. 

Talking through my hats

 

It is National Hat Day and I posted this image back in September 2006 of a younger me with my face on a beach busker in Mexico. The post was about me literally wearing many hats. So this is the next image I'll recreate with the now me.

I asked Gemini to create this one and Gemini is much more literal than ChatGPT and less creative if you ask me. ChatGPT generally adds a background and does some touching up of my face (even though it talks out loud while developing images and sometimes refers to me as an elderly man as it draws images of me despite my protests that I find it insulting...no one uses the phrase elderly anymore).

ChatGPT generally doesn't address things when I point out potential flaws in its approaches. When it does, it says things like, "Thanks for bringing that to my attention because I really value your input." This is much like the things I write as part of my work when people complain about ad campaigns I'm running. 

Let's face it, no one really values your input. Everyone, including AI apps, would rather you just chill because nothing you say will change anything anyone does in the long run. People spend way too much time thinking their opinions matter. As the old saying goes, "Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one." I'm curious what the AI apps would say if I asked them for a design for "Opinions are like assholes." ChatGPT would probably just use an image of my face as the asshole. ChatGPT has a quirky sense of humor like that. That's what I would do if I were an AI app.

Looky there, another hat!

The return of Free Willie!

 

Back in August 2004, I posted my first image of me as someone else. It was a post called Free Willie and it was a brief one about Willie Nelson and some not so kind comments about his singing but acknowledging his place in music history. I feel bad about my comments about his voice. I have come to think it is great so I'm not so sure what my problem was back in 2004 other than I was still in that phase of thinking it was funny to make fun of what other people liked. And I greatly admire Willie and recently purchased an autographed photo of him. He is in his 90s now and unfortunately probably won't be around too many more years.

Regardless of my digressions, the image above was me dressed up as Willie Nelson for a skit I performed at a going away event at my place of work. The engineer who was retiring liked Willie Nelson, so in honor of him, I dressed up like Willie and performed a version of "My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys" rewritten as "My Heroes Have Always Been Engineers."  It was a time before my total aversion to wearing costumes kicked in and to this day I can't believe I played my guitar and sang in public. But I did it as Willie Nelson. And I posted the photo on my fledgling blog.

Now, as I embrace AI and have obviously launched images of myself as famous characters to the next level, it occurred to me that I should go back and recreate some (if not all of the images) I created or posed for using the miracle of ChatGPT.  So my first harkens back to me as Willie.

I do look like a meatier Chip off the Old Willie if I do say so myself!