Sling low...

 

In April 2007, I used a transformation of me as Karl in the movie Sling Blade as a way of illustrating the beauty of simplicity in language versus the convoluted babble that spews out of most people. I still think Billy Bob Thornton was brilliant in that role. To this day I don't know how he did it. I would never had associated the actor's real appearance with the transformation he made into Karl. Since then Thornton has become a highly respected actor, though he mainly plays alcoholic geniuses. And I imagine he is weirder than shit to know in person.

I had a go around with ChatGPT's guardrail about recreating this image of me as Karl. I asked for an image of me as Karl in the movie Sling Blade.  It spit out an image of me at first that was basically me with a shaved head and a rumpled shirt. 

I could have been a member of the Manson Family, but I wouldn't jump right to Sling Blade.

So I snapped another selfie of me pursing my lips like Karl and shared it with Chat with the instructions to have me sitting on a stump holding a bottle of soda. I also asked for the top button of my shirt to be buttoned. That triggered the lawyers infesting ChatGPT's soul.  That crossed the line.  Turns out I should have said "in the style of" instead of citing the character and movie.  But Chat is good about giving me workarounds to the voices in it's AI head. It suggested I say:

“Please create an image of me as a rural Southern Gothic character. I am sitting on a tree stump outdoors, holding a soda bottle in both hands. I’m wearing a plain work shirt with the top button fastened. My expression is stoic and withdrawn, with a quiet, unsettling stillness. The setting feels humid and subdued, with muted natural colors and a contemplative, cinematic tone. The style should feel gritty, realistic, and emotionally heavy — like an independent Southern drama — without referencing any specific movie or character.”

It then gave me this image:

Now this was closer. That was almost Karl but Chat hadn't used the new photo I provided with a Karl-like expression. So I asked again and it gave me this.

Now that was the Karl expression and pose, but it didn't give me Karl's hair. So I tried asking for the exact same image but with close cropped hair and once again it kicked into the guard rails. So I ended up using Photoshop and created the version I was looking for.

This is a long, meandering path to show you that, although AI is amazing, it still requires a great deal of creative direction to achieve what you are looking for. I am a creative director by profession, so I'm used to that but I don't think most people realize what really goes into it.

"All right, den..."

Rock, paper, scissorshands

 

I became Edward Scissorhands for a post I made about a bad live theater performance I went to in April 2007 based on Edward Scissorhands, the movie. It was a performance without dialogue or lyrics. It was a performance that was so bad, I have absolutely no memory of it except for my post in 2007.   So in a sense, my blog has become my memory, even for things I would just as soon forget.  

But I do like the images ChatGPT created of me as an older Edward Scissorhands. I think the one with black hair makes me look like Snape from Harry Potter.  Or I look like that nutjob record producer who went to prison for shooting a woman -- Phil Spector. He liked to wear crazy ass wigs to his trial. I have to say that I'm digging the black leather suit, though.

Now the white haired version is more me and doesn't look like I am afraid to age.  I do think it makes me look like an aged Andy Warhol.  I also look like I could be a character in Dune, the movie.

The scar on both images does add to my tough, weathered look. I'd like to imagine this is what Edward Scissorhands would look like if they did a sequel today. And I'm letting Tim Burton (who is the same age as me) know that I'm available.  

No snippy comments please.

Upside Down Under

 

Back in March 2007 I was celebrating one of my many themed weeks with images of me as animals native to Australia. I started with a kangaroo (which I discovered is not an easy animal to mimic because of their long snout.

ChatGPT just didn't bother and treated turning me into a kangaroo more as a many wearing a kangaroos skin (not that I would ever do that). I let it slide. Next up was a dingo.

As you can see, my version was fairly crude with the main source of my identity being my eyes and my scraggly goatee. I hoped ChatGPT could do better.

But again, this looks more like a freakish dog with my face.  So I asked for more of a snout. The second attempt was just basically just an image of a dingo. So I asked again.

If you didn't know me (and most of you don't), this again, looks like a dingo, but there are my squinting eyes and sort of my mouth and beard. Not too shabby.

Next, in 2007,  I had put my face on a echidna, a freaky looking hedgehog like animal with a long, narrow snout.

I was pretty proud of that one. It is the kind of creature that would make someone swear of drinking or drugs. I was quite curious how ChatGPT would handle that one. It unpleasantly surprised me.

Now that is one dignified looking echidna.  It truly reflects my personality (and my face). 

And what Australian animal collection would be complete without a koala.

Again, my version was crude and just not koala cuddly. But ChatGPT was on a roll.

Don't you just want to hug me?  

G'day.

Monsters, aren't we all

 

In March 2007 I tried my hand at being the Bride of Frankenstein. It was a post that was more about my hair than the Bride of Frankenstein. I'd been going to the same stylist for years and then she got pregnant and left the salon. The nerve of her. My hair was never quite the same.

The pandemic created chaos with haircutting. My hair got a bit shaggy and more unkept looking than normal. So when salons started reopening, I jumped at the opportunity.  But by this time the salon experience had severely degraded. There was no coffee while you waited and you had the awkwardness of having a mask half on and half off. Then there was the "I'm an old man and we'll just give you a standard old man cut" factor. I went through a couple of stylists at the same salon over about three years. The first one moved back to Texas. The second one was okay but never really cut my hair the same way each time so it was like Forrest Gump's box of chocolates. She eventually left to take the summer off and never came back.  Now I have a stylist who I think I mentioned barely remembers me from one haircut to the next. She walked right past me in front of the salon at my last appointment without any sign of recognition. I realize she probably cuts lots of people's hair, but if I was to give her or any haircutting professional some advice, it would be to keep notes about your clients so you can pretend to remember them. It keeps them (and their tips) coming back. 

So as I said in my post back in 2007, maybe it is time to reconsider a ponytail. 

Hopefully there is a light....

 

In February of 2007 I put my face on the Statue of Liberty.  I suppose you could say I took liberties with the Statue of Liberty. It was a minor rebellion against what I believed at the time was discrimination from others on a group blog I made the mistake of joining.  I don't even remember what the dispute was about. Something about Vanilla (their term for straight people).  Even reading the post I don't remember what it was about. But I felt strongly enough to have the Statue of Liberty with my face, holding a non-vanilla ice cream cone.

Now it is 2026 and everything the Statue of Liberty once stood for seems to have been flushed down the toilet by the Orange Menace and his goosestepping minions.  Ironically, I believe the original statue design had chains around her ankles as a reminder of our country's history of supporting slavery. The Statue should now be blindfolded, waving goodbye to freedom and have tears pouring down her face. 

Let's hope we can all pull together and keep the torch held high and remain a beacon that gives hope.

A picture (if you will) is worth a thousand words

 

In December of 2005 I waxed poetic about the Twilight Zone.  It was one of my earliest Photoshop attempts. And it expressed my ongoing love of the Twilight Zone and the types of stories it dealt with (although limited greatly by special effects at the time).  

One of my early triumphs as a PR hack early in my career was a brochure called The Construction Zone, that riffed on the Twilight Zone and won me some of my first writing awards in the self-congratulating world of business communications organizations.  I even used "Do do, doo, do" on the cover of the brochure. It was an early triumph of my eventually to be Dad Joke style of humor.

But check out this image of me as Rod Serling now.

Speaking of self-congratulating, that is one handsome looking older gentleman.  If only suits really looked like that on me.  But it's fun to picture, if I will....

Chasing white rabbits

 

Back in March 2007 I meandered along a Wonderland themed path and  became the White Rabbit, the Mad Hatter (who was never referred to as the Mad Hatter in the book) and the Cheshire Cat.

I was prone to themes back then and was always trying to top one image with the next. It was the thing I enjoyed more about blogging than writing...creating visuals to express myself more than the words. I am pretty convinced people weren't really reading much of what I was writing even back then. But the images seemed popular. Or I projected my own joy in creating them on the still robust following I seemed to have. By robust, I would sometimes get 12 or so comments on a post. This often translated to maybe four or five people who regularly read my blog. Though many of them read my blog because I read their blogs. And one of the regular readers was a self-confessed schizophrenic who wrote brillant posts but spent a great deal of their time hiding under their bed eating popcorn.

Now I think I have maybe two people who read my blog on a regular basis and sporadically at best. I rarely get comments.  This is probably for the better. 

Anyway, here is my Alice in Wonderland series updated in 2026.

I like them all, but the Cheshire Cat is probably my favorite, because I seem less stern and severe. And I'm going to share one more that I didn't actually do myself in 2007 but seemed logical in 2026.

Now that is a wonder.

Can you ever really erase anything?

 

Back in March of 2007 I posted about what I thought was my fading memory. Little did I know that 20 years would pass and memories still light the corners of my mind but just not as bright.  I did enjoy creating an Eraserhead version of me then, but get a load of what I would look like now as Eraserhead.

There is a very Kramer from Seinfeld vibe about this Eraserhead me.  And I have to say, even though it is me, I can start to see pretty clearly why I can come across as a bit intimidating.  At the same time, I am kind of digging the image. My hair would never do that, though. Well, not unless I stuck my finger in an electrical socket.  

Not that I was ever a fan of David Lynch's movie Eraserhead.  Most of Lynch's work was a bit too fucking weird for me.  I tried watching it, but I couldn't tell you what it is about. The movie poster is classic though. And this image is one I'd like to send out as a headshot if I ever do any more speaking gigs at conferences.

But to touch on the concept of whether or not you can erase anything...memories for example.  I know enough about memories and how I have dealt with them in the past to know that dwelling on unpleasant ones keeps them alive. I used to have a tendency to repeat bad experiences over and over in my mind. And the mind kind of treats it like you are experiencing it over and over and etches that memory further and further into your brain matter.  In the past few years I've experimented with going to bed listening to music from the Calm app that enhances sleep. It's lots of piano music mixed with rain sounds and frequencies that are supposed to help you sleep. While I drift away I focus on letting go old memories that I don't really want to hold on to.  I think it has worked to a certain extent. 

I wouldn't say it erases the memories as much as pushes them off on unused synapse trails that I hope will eventual become so overgrown with brush that I won't walk on them any more. There are just too many painful memories from my younger life that I'd just as soon remain in the weeds.

Close up and personal

 

It was December 2007 that I immortalized myself as Gloria Swanson in the classic Sunset Boulevard. It was a post loosely based on my obsession with making videos. That passion has long since passed.  Videos take up way too much room on your phone and storage.  But the image of me as Gloria Swanson remains. Now for an updated version.

Now I am probably closer to Glory Swanson's age when she filmed Sunset Boulevard.  I think the diamonds really pull this look off.  In August of 2007 I used another famous movie to elude to bringing my daughter home.

Again, I am now closer to the original Godfather's age (not Brando, because he was much younger and was aged with makeup). 

I always could pull off a tux pretty well even if I do say so myself.  Then in February 2007 I went south (literally) in a post called Tomorrow is another day. 

Now that I don't give a damn how I look, here's my new version (though I do think the skirt makes my butt look too big).

And finally, in March 2007 I got all macho and went Timbo on everyone.

Here's what I look like now, though.

Aging is the disease and ChatGPT is the cure.

Moons over my selfies

 

 
I turned myself into a gargoyle back in January 2007. Well, not literally.  I used an image of me as a gargoyle to suggest what happens to me during a full moon. It was the stuff of many moonmares. But this is what I look like now.

A few days later back in January of 2007 I waxed poetic about my Idaho roots...literally.

I've never gotten over the fact that Idaho potatoes will always be more famous than me. But in the long run, no one really wants old potatoes either.

Un-Fortunate events

 

By November of 2006 I resorted to putting my image on mechanical fortunate tellers like Zoltar from the Tom Hanks movie Big. It was about how we lose the belief in magic that we had when we were children. Being a Pisces, I have always looked to magic (if not believed in it).  I'm not sure my practical, analytical side can rationally believe in it. There is just so much unmagical shit happening all the time.

If I did believe in magic now, perhaps this is what I'd look like.

I am not sure I'd want to see the fortune this me would predict. Perhaps I'd declare "Oh, the huge manatee" like I also did in November 2006.

The post with this one was simply my rewrite of a Billy Joel's song, "Honesty," with pithy lyrics like:

Huge manatees are such a lonely mammal.
Everyone thinks they aren't real blue.
Huge manatees hardly ever wear flannel.
And it's mostly what they need from you.

My 2026 self doesn't know what my 2006 self was thinking with that one. 

 I sometimes wonder if there is hope for manatees.