Monsters, aren't we all

 

In March 2007 I tried my hand at being the Bride of Frankenstein. It was a post that was more about my hair than the Bride of Frankenstein. I'd been going to the same stylist for years and then she got pregnant and left the salon. The nerve of her. My hair was never quite the same.

The pandemic created chaos with haircutting. My hair got a bit shaggy and more unkept looking than normal. So when salons started reopening, I jumped at the opportunity.  But by this time the salon experience had severely degraded. There was no coffee while you waited and you had the awkwardness of having a mask half on and half off. Then there was the "I'm an old man and we'll just give you a standard old man cut" factor. I went through a couple of stylists at the same salon over about three years. The first one moved back to Texas. The second one was okay but never really cut my hair the same way each time so it was like Forrest Gump's box of chocolates. She eventually left to take the summer off and never came back.  Now I have a stylist who I think I mentioned barely remembers me from one haircut to the next. She walked right past me in front of the salon at my last appointment without any sign of recognition. I realize she probably cuts lots of people's hair, but if I was to give her or any haircutting professional some advice, it would be to keep notes about your clients so you can pretend to remember them. It keeps them (and their tips) coming back. 

So as I said in my post back in 2007, maybe it is time to reconsider a ponytail. 

Hopefully there is a light....

 

In February of 2007 I put my face on the Statue of Liberty.  I suppose you could say I took liberties with the Statue of Liberty. It was a minor rebellion against what I believed at the time was discrimination from others on a group blog I made the mistake of joining.  I don't even remember what the dispute was about. Something about Vanilla (their term for straight people).  Even reading the post I don't remember what it was about. But I felt strongly enough to have the Statue of Liberty with my face, holding a non-vanilla ice cream cone.

Now it is 2026 and everything the Statue of Liberty once stood for seems to have been flushed down the toilet by the Orange Menace and his goosestepping minions.  Ironically, I believe the original statue design had chains around her ankles as a reminder of our country's history of supporting slavery. The Statue should now be blindfolded, waving goodbye to freedom and have tears pouring down her face. 

Let's hope we can all pull together and keep the torch held high and remain a beacon that gives hope.

A picture (if you will) is worth a thousand words

 

In December of 2005 I waxed poetic about the Twilight Zone.  It was one of my earliest Photoshop attempts. And it expressed my ongoing love of the Twilight Zone and the types of stories it dealt with (although limited greatly by special effects at the time).  

One of my early triumphs as a PR hack early in my career was a brochure called The Construction Zone, that riffed on the Twilight Zone and won me some of my first writing awards in the self-congratulating world of business communications organizations.  I even used "Do do, doo, do" on the cover of the brochure. It was an early triumph of my eventually to be Dad Joke style of humor.

But check out this image of me as Rod Serling now.

Speaking of self-congratulating, that is one handsome looking older gentleman.  If only suits really looked like that on me.  But it's fun to picture, if I will....

Chasing white rabbits

 

Back in March 2007 I meandered along a Wonderland themed path and  became the White Rabbit, the Mad Hatter (who was never referred to as the Mad Hatter in the book) and the Cheshire Cat.

I was prone to themes back then and was always trying to top one image with the next. It was the thing I enjoyed more about blogging than writing...creating visuals to express myself more than the words. I am pretty convinced people weren't really reading much of what I was writing even back then. But the images seemed popular. Or I projected my own joy in creating them on the still robust following I seemed to have. By robust, I would sometimes get 12 or so comments on a post. This often translated to maybe four or five people who regularly read my blog. Though many of them read my blog because I read their blogs. And one of the regular readers was a self-confessed schizophrenic who wrote brillant posts but spent a great deal of their time hiding under their bed eating popcorn.

Now I think I have maybe two people who read my blog on a regular basis and sporadically at best. I rarely get comments.  This is probably for the better. 

Anyway, here is my Alice in Wonderland series updated in 2026.

I like them all, but the Cheshire Cat is probably my favorite, because I seem less stern and severe. And I'm going to share one more that I didn't actually do myself in 2007 but seemed logical in 2026.

Now that is a wonder.

Can you ever really erase anything?

 

Back in March of 2007 I posted about what I thought was my fading memory. Little did I know that 20 years would pass and memories still light the corners of my mind but just not as bright.  I did enjoy creating an Eraserhead version of me then, but get a load of what I would look like now as Eraserhead.

There is a very Kramer from Seinfeld vibe about this Eraserhead me.  And I have to say, even though it is me, I can start to see pretty clearly why I can come across as a bit intimidating.  At the same time, I am kind of digging the image. My hair would never do that, though. Well, not unless I stuck my finger in an electrical socket.  

Not that I was ever a fan of David Lynch's movie Eraserhead.  Most of Lynch's work was a bit too fucking weird for me.  I tried watching it, but I couldn't tell you what it is about. The movie poster is classic though. And this image is one I'd like to send out as a headshot if I ever do any more speaking gigs at conferences.

But to touch on the concept of whether or not you can erase anything...memories for example.  I know enough about memories and how I have dealt with them in the past to know that dwelling on unpleasant ones keeps them alive. I used to have a tendency to repeat bad experiences over and over in my mind. And the mind kind of treats it like you are experiencing it over and over and etches that memory further and further into your brain matter.  In the past few years I've experimented with going to bed listening to music from the Calm app that enhances sleep. It's lots of piano music mixed with rain sounds and frequencies that are supposed to help you sleep. While I drift away I focus on letting go old memories that I don't really want to hold on to.  I think it has worked to a certain extent. 

I wouldn't say it erases the memories as much as pushes them off on unused synapse trails that I hope will eventual become so overgrown with brush that I won't walk on them any more. There are just too many painful memories from my younger life that I'd just as soon remain in the weeds.

Close up and personal

 

It was December 2007 that I immortalized myself as Gloria Swanson in the classic Sunset Boulevard. It was a post loosely based on my obsession with making videos. That passion has long since passed.  Videos take up way too much room on your phone and storage.  But the image of me as Gloria Swanson remains. Now for an updated version.

Now I am probably closer to Glory Swanson's age when she filmed Sunset Boulevard.  I think the diamonds really pull this look off.  In August of 2007 I used another famous movie to elude to bringing my daughter home.

Again, I am now closer to the original Godfather's age (not Brando, because he was much younger and was aged with makeup). 

I always could pull off a tux pretty well even if I do say so myself.  Then in February 2007 I went south (literally) in a post called Tomorrow is another day. 

Now that I don't give a damn how I look, here's my new version (though I do think the skirt makes my butt look too big).

And finally, in March 2007 I got all macho and went Timbo on everyone.

Here's what I look like now, though.

Aging is the disease and ChatGPT is the cure.

Moons over my selfies

 

 
I turned myself into a gargoyle back in January 2007. Well, not literally.  I used an image of me as a gargoyle to suggest what happens to me during a full moon. It was the stuff of many moonmares. But this is what I look like now.

A few days later back in January of 2007 I waxed poetic about my Idaho roots...literally.

I've never gotten over the fact that Idaho potatoes will always be more famous than me. But in the long run, no one really wants old potatoes either.

Un-Fortunate events

 

By November of 2006 I resorted to putting my image on mechanical fortunate tellers like Zoltar from the Tom Hanks movie Big. It was about how we lose the belief in magic that we had when we were children. Being a Pisces, I have always looked to magic (if not believed in it).  I'm not sure my practical, analytical side can rationally believe in it. There is just so much unmagical shit happening all the time.

If I did believe in magic now, perhaps this is what I'd look like.

I am not sure I'd want to see the fortune this me would predict. Perhaps I'd declare "Oh, the huge manatee" like I also did in November 2006.

The post with this one was simply my rewrite of a Billy Joel's song, "Honesty," with pithy lyrics like:

Huge manatees are such a lonely mammal.
Everyone thinks they aren't real blue.
Huge manatees hardly ever wear flannel.
And it's mostly what they need from you.

My 2026 self doesn't know what my 2006 self was thinking with that one. 

 I sometimes wonder if there is hope for manatees. 

Alienation, too

 

 
In November 2006, I explored my inner alien in a post called Alienation. Besides being an opportunity to crudely put my face on the alien from the movie Alien, it was a pretty good exploration of how I felt about the inner conflict about fitting in versus standing out. My younger self captured it pretty well, so pat on the back to you (me).  It is a topic I've always struggled with. I want to be me, but I also want to be liked and those two don't always equate. 

But back to the opportunity to put my face on the alien from Alien, ChatGPT did a much better job at bringing out the beastly alien within me.

I joked with it that that was a face only a mother would love because it is downright scary looking. I couldn't leave it at that, though. I asked for sharper teeth and Chat obliged.

Now this is a character that probably would have difficulty making friends, but you'd always get your own seat on the train. It is how I feel at times, especially as I age.

But back to October 2006 briefly, I did a post called Daily Exorcise and made a Linda Blair version of me. 

It was kind of in the same vein as this t-shirt design I did a couple of years ago.

After a few false starts battling with ChatGPT's guard rails (who are real party poopers BTW) I was able to recreate a possessed version of my current self.

It does greatly represent those days when people avoid me because "Tim looks like he is having a bad day." 

It's a pity about the carpet, too. 

Dough, dough...

 

After turning myself into a gnome back in October of 2006 I moved on to popular advertising icons like the Pillsbury Doughboy in a post called Half-baked fears. I said (and I love quoting myself from 20 years ago):

Our television is full of demonic icons conjured up by ad executives to prey upon our fears in order to sell products. Pop N' Fresh, the Pillsbury Dough Boy for instance. What is he other than a terrorist with a chef's hat. There he is with his pasty face, blackhole eyes and bloated body, leering at you while you try and open an explosive pipe bomb of biscuit dough. What's not to be afraid of?

That was pretty good if I do say so myself (even though we live in a time of real fears of worse things than talking bags of dough...wait a minute that is one of things we have to fear now). But here is my 2026 self as the dough man.

This dough creature is a bit less jovial than he was 20 years ago. I almost wish I'd asked ChatGPT to make this dough man out of dried out dough, but it would be a bit too close to home. 

I also talked about the Jolly Green Giant as a remnant of the Jack and the Beanstalk giant who ate people from our childhood stories. But I didn't create an image of me as the Jolly Green Giant...until now...Ho, Ho, Ho.

In the first version of me as Green Giant, ChatGPT gave me a green body and regular color face.  I still find AI extremely literal so you need to learn how to talk to them.  I resisted asking it to make me a more muscular Green Giant. But at least it didn't go with a dough boy body.

And while I am at it I decided to throw Mr. Clean into the mix.

I appreciate the muscles in this one. Cleaning all of those toilets builds the bicepts. And although I have a full head of hair, this shows I could pull off the bald look pretty well. Though the thing that always baffled me about Mr. Clean was why a genie would waste it's powers helping you clean your bathroom. If I had three wishes, making my toilet spotless wouldn't be one of them.

I also never went down the creepy Burger King King route until now.

There are so many other advertising icons to go, but that's a whole other post. 

There's no place like gnome

 

In October 2006 I turned myself into a garden gnome for a post called "Stealing Gnome" in which I encouraged people to steal my gnome and put it in their blogs. I had people reading my blog back then who actually actively engaged with me. It had the feeling of a real community that I could interact with without any real human contact. The introvert in me loved it. I was able to garner positive feedback for what I thought were my creative talents and shut out anyone who didn't like it. It was pretty much a win, win situation. Until all the people reading my blog got bored and drifted away.

But enough of blatant self pity. Here's a 2026 version of me as a garden gnome.

If you are a purist and don't like the painted version here's more more stony version of me as a garden gnome.

What these 2026 garden gnome versions of me is how everything but your nose and ears shrink as you get old.  But it occurred to me while I was creating this post, that, although I did touch on pink yard flamingos, I never put my face on one. That is, until now.

Oh, if I could only fabricate a flock of these for my front yard and really freak out the neighbors.  

Sometimes things Pan out

 

Back in September 2006, I wrote a post called Being Dr. Lao.  It was about the movie, The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao starring Tony Randall and Barbara Eden (of I Dream of Jeanie). I wrote:

In the movie, the seven faces of Dr. Lao are: Dr. Lao, Pan, Apollonius of Tyana (a Greek philosopher and teacher), Merlin, Medusa, the Abominal Snowman, and a goldfish that turns into a sea serpent. The make-up artist for the film won a honorary Academy Award for his work on the film. Tony Randall was pretty impressive playing the characters as well.

I was playing with Photoshop as a tool or brush to manipulate various images at the time, so the image I created at the time technically wasn't my face on an image of Pan, but more the essence of Pan.  I asked ChatGPT to make an image of me as Pan.

I think I make a pretty good Pan if I do say so myself. I especially like the Pan Flute pendant. Not bad for an old goat. 

In the 2006 post I also created an image of me as Medusa.

Here is my 2026 version.

I love my stony stare. In 2006 I also turned myself into Apollonius, a fortune teller.

And speaking of stony stare, here is another Greek statue ChatGPT turned me into recently.

And finally, although I didn't create an image of me as Merlin back in 2006, here's an image of me as a wizard in 2026.

Now that is magic.