Who is steering the boat?

 

I started the day with some great designs with horned-helmet Vikings (which is something no Viking actually wore) finding themselves in a herd of Texas longhorns. And for whatever reason I decided it would be funny to have them say something like "What is this bull shit?" but translate it into something close to Old Norse. Apparently Icelander is the closest language to Old Norse in the present time. So I found an English to Icelander translator and translated "What is this bull shit?" into Icelander and put it on the image of three Vikings surrounded by longhorns.

I thought it was hilarious. But for whatever reason, teepublic.com flagged the design for review to see if it violated their standards. I reviewed their community standards and the only thing I can think of for them flagging the design was that it wasn't written in English and they thought I was writing something obscene or hateful against Vikings (people who washed their faces in piss and killed and raped people for fun).

It kind of put me in a mood. So I started coming up with really esoteric designs like this:

The only way this will mean something to most people is if they know that in one of the first movie roles Tony Curtis had he played a knight with a limited speaking part. He was supposed to say something like "Yonder is the castle of my father" in a British accent. But Tony Curtis was from the Bronx and he read his line in a heavy Bronx accent and it came out "Yonder is the castile of my fodder."

Funny if you know the back story and give a shit.

Later I thought of Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom and Marlin Perkins. I am not sure why I thought of Marlin Perkins. I don't normally give much thought to Marlin Perkins.  He was the host of Wild Kingdom from 1963 to 1988. Well he was the host until he died in 1986. I remember the show because it always came on on Sunday evenings before Disney's Wonderful World of Color. I thought it was kind of boring and Marlin Perkins seemed like a fossil and obviously read all of his lines from a script in a very stilted and lifeless fashion. 

And since the show was sponsored by Mutual of Omaha, an insurance company, Marlin was always saying things like, "Just like the mother Anaconda eats her babies' predators, Mutual of Omaha is there to protect you." And he was always talking about his co-host Jim Fowler who seemed to enjoy wrestling wildlife a bit too much.

So I came up with this design:

And even though the insurance company that sponsored the show was Mutual of Omaha, I slipped in the "good hands of Allstate" into the moon because I thought it was symbolic that Jim was about to be killed by a Croc and would soon be in good hands in the Wild Kingdom of  Heaven.

Again this design depends upon a pretty complicated backstory but still it is pretty funny to me.

I created several others including this one because every time I hear the word "Yacht" I think "Piñata."

It has no deeper meaning than that other than I thought it would be fitting for a man dressed like a pirate to be trying to bring down the Pinyacht-a with a cutlass.

And just to take a final swing at inspirational things I created this spoof on Ted Lasso:

There's a ton of Trump jokes in that one.

The Long Dark Coffee Break of the Soul

 I wasn't feeling dark when I started this design. But Art Ai must have sensed some existential crisis and it kept giving me dark images. I love this one especially. 

Of course, if you are Douglas Adams fans you'll recognize that this is an American version of his "The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul" which is a play on the phrase "the dark night of the soul." I don't think Douglas Adams was trying to be as serious as this image.

This one was a bit more Douglas Adams-like. I love that the character looks as though he has been sitting Rip Van Winkle-like in this chair for an infinite amount of time yet the coffee is still hot.

He obviously didn't buy the mug from Starbucks because every Starbucks mug I've ever had immediately sucks the heat out of the coffee like a cooling tower at a nuclear energy plant. I wish someone would invent a mug that has heat coils in the ceramic and keeps the coffee at a nice hot temperature. 

But I digress from my reflections of the soul.

I had Art Ai create this one for me. Or at least this is the me I fantasize I look like. My hair just never stays full like that and my beard, though approaching that length still fights to maintain its unkept look. And this fantasy version of myself is trim. But regardless, this aged man truly looks like he is staring at a cup of his soul. 

I suppose that was my point. Or this is:

An epiphany about realizations

 

I have never really thought about the difference between a realization and an epiphany much. But I asked ChatGPT and the wise idiot enlightened me that a realization is becoming aware or understanding something clearly and distinctly but it usually happens gradually. An epiphany, however, is a moment of sudden and profound realization that can make you feel enlightened.

I guess I sort of had already had this epiphany about realizations before ChatGPT clarified it for me.

This morning it just popped into my head that that very moment was just a brief and fleeting moment in time that quickly led to the next very brief and fleeting moment in time. And they just keep coming folks.

So I turned that into a t-shirt design.

Later in the day I had another realization (or perhaps an epiphany).

It started when it dawned on me that most people I know don't know how annoying they can be. And then it dawned on me that I don't realize how annoying I can be either. 

So I turned that into a t-shirt design.

At first I just asked Art AI to use words alone. It didn't grab me. Then I asked it to use an image of an annoying man. That didn't seem to work and it was kind of sexist. So I just told Art AI to use an image of something annoying. 

It spit out an image of a mosquito and an image of a Chihuahua. It gave me a kick that it would arrive at those two things as annoying.  I had to agree with it.

I like the Chihuahua image the best because most of the time they just make you want to pick them up and drop kick them. 

Not that I would ever do that.

I realize (or epiphanize) that not too many people would buy a t-shirt for themselves that states they don't realize how annoying they are. But I figured they would make great gifts, anonymous or not. And maybe the people receiving them will realize or have an epiphany that they are pretty damned annoying and by being aware of it they might try not to be so annoying.

I think I should start billing myself as the t-shirt philosopher. 

That would make a good t-shirt.

Good Carmen

 

I suppose riffing on the Culture Club song Karma Chameleon with a Carmen Miranda theme dates me. I want to go on the record though that I never could stand Culture Club, Boy George or any of the ear worm songs they inflicted on the world.

I remember laying on a beach at a Club Med in Martinique and the French club host kept playing Culture Club ad nauseum. I can still hear Boy George  singing over and over, "Do you really want to hurt me?" And I kept thinking, yes, I really want to hurt you for this crappy music.

The kicker was Culture Club was popular in the mid-1980s and I was at the Club Med in the late 1990s. The music at the Club sucked. Every night after dinner they would play "YMCA" by the Village People. It was almost as bad as having to dance to the Macarena over and over again on cruise ships. 

But I did.

The Club Med wasn't a good experience for me. I was rapidly approaching 40 and I think it was a mid-life crisis thing. I was older than most of the people at the Club. A good portion of them were European (mainly French) and didn't like Americans. I had sprung for a single room (which is frowned upon at Club Meds). They didn't have televisions in the cabanas. All they had were these twin beds and sparse furnishings because they assumed you wouldn't spend any time in the rooms. The room looked like something I would expect to find in a convent. 

The booze was also horrifically expensive so you couldn't really drink enough to stumble back to your room at night and pass out. So I spent many long, sleepless nights. Alone. Some of the younger people were probably hooking up, but I wasn't. 

I did meet this Pharmacist from Detroit who I hung out with. I do believe he did hook up.

I do remember the Club Med hosts spent lots of time trying to get us to participate in things called "Whacky Olympics." All we really wanted to do was lay on the beach until lunch and then lay on the beach again until dinner. Oh, there was a happy hour where you could get two for one beers that we worked in there. And there was free wine at dinner but you couldn't leave the dining room with it.

There was a disco but it didn't get started until midnight or so and it played more music in the Culture Club genre. 

In retrospect, Club Med sucked swamp water.

Oh well, I got a great t-shirt that lasted me a few years and made me look like I was semi hip.

Hey

 

I partially read another article on Apple News today that texting people the single word "Hey" creates anxiety in people. This surprised me because I get these types of texts quite often from telephone numbers I don't recognize and if I respond with my usual witty responses like the one above, they usually respond with an offer to send me photos. This is where I block them and report them as scammers because I'm assuming they aren't going to send me photos of their cat and whatever I respond the next request will likely be for cash.

But hey.

This design started out with the idea to quote Dory from Finding Nemo about "Just keep swimming." But then I Googled it and found out a shitload of people have already done that shirt. So I messed around with Art AI and a design for "Just keep treading water" and it was having trouble with the concept and kept giving me images of what looked like synchronized swimming teams (which really didn't make any sense even for someone with artificial intelligence). Finally I prompted it (it hasn't shared any pronouns with me so I need to refer to Art AI as it)  to give me a design for "Only dead fish go with the stream." It came up with some goods ones. I half expected images of dead, bloated fish bodies bobbing along on a stream but Art was being a bit more creative.

I like that this fish is contemplating the whole concept of going with the stream. Because at some point in your life you need to choose the path you are going to take.

Which will you choose?

Fairy Godfather

 

I'll post this design here because I figure it is only a matter of time before the Intellectual Property Police (or the IPP for those of you who crave acronyms) swoop in and complain that I am infringing upon Marlon Brando's or Francis Ford Coppola's Godfather Intellectual Property. To which I would like to reply, "I didn't see the no trespassing sign."

In all fairness, Art AI gave me a more generic Vito Corleone but I wanted someone who looked like Don Corleone and not Don Pardo. Art AI created the Fair Godfather title that really looks like the Godfather movie title all on its artificial intelligence self. 

I think it is hilarious myself. But lawyers have no sense of humor.

Art AI seemed to struggle with my design suggestions today. Maybe it was the topics I chose. 

I want to go on record that this design looks almost nothing like the one Art AI gave me. I asked for a balloon animal made out of inflated condoms with reservoir tips. It gave me something that looked more like a balloon float in the Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade. So I borrowed the background and the title and pieced together the Trojan Horse I pictured.  I am pretty frickin' proud of it too.

Though it strikes me that if the Godfather people come after me the Trojan Horses head may end up on my pillow some night.

Still, wouldn't it be great to hire a killer clown for a bachelor's party and have him create balloon animals with inflated condoms?

A clown like this perhaps:

 This is pretty esoteric. It is supposed to be a cross between Bozo the Clown and Zippy the Pinhead. Art AI interpreted "Pinhead" to be a clown with actual pins sticking out of his head. The "Hey kids, are we fun yet" is a combination of Bozo's catchphrase "Hey kids, let's have some fun!" (which is kind of creepy in itself) and Zippy the Pinheads catchphrase "Are we having fun yet?"

I seriously doubt if anyone who hasn't read this post will have clue what I was going for with Zippo the Clownhead. The lighter is an homage to Zippo lighters.

Ironically I read a portion of an article on Apple News today about how traumatic it is for people to set themselves on fire to protest things. The article was written by a guy whose mother set herself on fire in her kitchen when he was a little kid and how it still bothers him

I wanted to write a comment on the article to the effect of, "Don't get all fired up over it."

I have to say that I am pretty disappointed in the quality of the articles Apple News showcases for the $12 a month I shell out to participate in their largely click-bait journalism. First most of the articles are about Donald Trump and I am pretty sick of reading about his latest bout of narcolepsy and flatulence in the courtroom. 

I wouldn't mind reading an article about him setting himself on fire, perhaps in an effort to light up his farts with a Zippo lighter and then falling asleep.

That's clickbait I could wrap my brain around.

Oh well:

I may just give up writing and speak in punny t-shirt designs from now on.

 

It's not the heat

 

I've been saying this every time it gets hot for years. And almost every time, I get looks like the one on the (apparently stupid looking) person in this design. I think AI Art interprets stupid looking as how the person is dressed as opposed to an obvious lack of intelligence. 

I just rolled with it. It does have a creepy factor I kind of like.

This next one just came out of the blue.  It is kind of stupid even by my standards. 

Which is why I like it. 

I envisioned it more with the hand squeezing the actual artichoke and not the stem. But Art AI is a bit to logical to think that could work. So it kept giving me these Olympic Torch looking images of a hand holding an artichoke.

I'm a bit too tired to fight about it this evening. At least it didn't misspell artichoke incessantly (though I did just misspell misspell which has to have a t-shirt design in it somewhere.

Chain reaction

 

For some reason teepublic.com flagged this design for review. I can only surmise that it triggered some algorithm for a movie or program called Chain reaction.  

It wasn't the reaction I was expecting.

This one got no reaction. Nor did this one:

I'm thinking it will take a bit of thinking to get the pun. 

If anything was going to be flagged, I thought it would be this one. Though I kind of like the image of the Pillsbury Doughboys in trenches. 

We'll see. I didn't set out to start a war.

Stop me before I pun again

 

I was at the office in person yesterday and it dawned on me that I couldn't seem to help myself when it came to using puns. Okay, this isn't the first time I realized this, but I used to think it was charming. And maybe in limited doses it is. But I have come to the inevitable conclusion that it is just annoying.

I think part of it was being around people in person. Just talking was something novel for me and I just started talking in puns the way I keep cranking out t-shirt designs. But in person people don't have the luxury of just groaning and clicking to a different webpage.

That is kind of where Paul the Punster came from. He is a parody of Jack the Ripper. Instead of a knife he uses the written word (thus the pencil). I realize he looks a lot like the Joker. But that is Art AI's take on it and I kind of like the image.

I also created one based on Fuzzy Wuzzy the bear from the kid's tongue twister (Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy was he?). We drove by a Fuzzy Wuzzy Dry Cleaner today that inspired me. Though I for the life of me have no clue why Fuzzy Wuzzy is associated with dry cleaning. 

ChatGPT tells me Fuzzy Wuzzy was originally an unflattering name for the Hadendoa,  a group of warriors from the eastern Sudan who fought the British during the late 19th century. They apparently had fuzzy hair. Rudyard Kipling wrote a poem about them.  How that got to be Fuzzy Wuzzy the bear is a mystery. But it still inspired me.

I took a bit of my usual literary license. I originally envisioned a bear totally devoid of bear. Art AI couldn't seem to fathom that. So I settled for a bear who looks a bit like Smokey the Bear after being caught in a forest fire as a cub. Still it makes for a unique t-shirt design that no one would likely buy or wear (or understand).

I find it unbearable.

See, I can't help myself.

Maybe D.B. Cooper didn't act alone...

 

I'm kind of proud of this one because I did it all myself without AI Art pitching in.  I have been going through other t-shirt companies to see what designs they are coming up with and it sometimes gives me new ideas.  This one came from a t-shirt design that just had the single image of D.B. Cooper with his name (or the fake name he gave on his ticket).  I started thinking about things you could do with the name Cooper (not a lot). But it did trigger the concept of AB, BB, CB and DB.

After I finished the first one I had this idea to go even more Andy Warhol.

Again, it was all my work. Not Art AI. I've got a new version of Photoshop that is a little less cumbersome than the version I had before. It helped. 

Now I would wear that t-shirt.

One of the things I struggle with creating these designs is the nagging voice that tries to tell me that I'm not really an artist.  Its because I have identified as a writer for so many years even though I've dabbled in Photoshop for years as well.

I just have to tell myself that I am an artist and my ideas are part of that art. 

I need to ignore the voice. Because it occasionally reminds me that I've written a blog for two decades and it has never caught on. So maybe I was never much of a writer either. 

Screw it. I haven't had this much fun in years.

Don't go away mad...

I got a new laptop at work today. And though it was nice to have a brand spanking new computer, it was stressful. My old one had all of my files, passwords and bookmarks the way I was used to. So it required a bit of adjusting.

I guess I have my own OCD issues. I don't really like change. Plus I had to go into work instead of working remotely. It is amazing how much I have gotten used to being in my home office and having the luxury of being in my own environment. 

Even the train ride in was a bit stressful. It is amazing how much a commute eats into your morning. Whereas when I'm at home I just roll out of bed, get dressed and go to my computer. 

I think my dog missed me being home as well. Thus the Cheshire Dog design. It's pretty much the only one I came up with. But here are a couple from my Greek Mythology kick from yesterday.

 

I can especially relate to the Sisyphus one. Mowing the lawn is one of those endless tasks I can't seem to get away from. I chose it instead of Sisyphus making the bed. I just thought the lawn one would be more interesting. Sisyphus and the Endless Bed Making just didn't quite have the same ring to it.

Old man down the road

 

Tell me that's not a cool image. It is inspired by John Fogerty's solo song "Old Man Down the Road." John Fogerty was part of Creedence Clearwater in case you live under a rock. Love the song and the guitar riffs. It's swamp rock. It's something I had never heard of until ChatGPT helped me out.

That led to this image. Love that he is playing the blues sitting in a swamp. You can almost hear the guitar.

I was all over the map today with design ideas. Like this one.

It started with the concept of just a t-shirt with egg all over it like you had been egged (which is apparently where the term "egging me on" comes from). Art AI threw in this great face with egg on it. Got to love it. 

I thought it was eggstra special.